Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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