And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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