remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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