I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize