Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
