I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
