That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
