I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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