Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My bed smells like the plague
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
