she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
