he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
