youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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