What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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