I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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