whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
