I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
