I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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