Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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