I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
