i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
