god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
