We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
