Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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