My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
