just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Couch. On fire.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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