Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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