you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
