It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
