let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
