can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
