i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
