I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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