Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
