"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
