I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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