shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
