gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Two words: blizzard sex
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
