he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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