Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
