She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize