I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
