fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
