Duck Duck Cougar?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
