Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
