Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
