Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
