Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize