You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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