i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
