You're so nebulous sometimes
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
