But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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