You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize