I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
