His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
