I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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