hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
