Where did you get a picture of my penis
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
