I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
