He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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