Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
