Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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