What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
