We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
