dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
