cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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