Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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