i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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