I didn't shave. On purpose
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
vagina is talking i cant
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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