Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
