I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
