Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
