When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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