i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
