I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
