you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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