just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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