ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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