There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
