i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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