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the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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