Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
