mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
