WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I forget how to act sober
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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