the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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