My nipple is on Facebook.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I want is dick and wine.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I party with great urgency now.
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