I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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