Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
How naked do you want me to be?
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