Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
