I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
