reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
