Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
