Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
