Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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