You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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