tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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