i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
