you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize