Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
