i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
