i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
