How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
