called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
