thus making me awesome and them whores
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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