Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
