there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
