small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
my liver is dry heaving
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize