My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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