we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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