I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
